come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
