So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
