I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
