This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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