you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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