we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
