I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
