Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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