what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
