the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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