Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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