Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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