I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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