Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
