my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
