i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
