i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
