we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
