Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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