he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
