My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
