If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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