I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
