when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
