ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
