i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
