Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
