i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
