So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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