Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
