I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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