Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
