the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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