somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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