She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
