If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize