I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
