i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
