having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
