it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
