so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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