Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
