i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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