Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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