I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
