I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
