He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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