When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
