Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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