can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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