apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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