did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
