I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
