i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
