I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
