why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
