in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
