She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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