People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
