I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
