That's intense
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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