And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
