i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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