Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
