I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need moral support for this bender
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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