So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
